12-30-10

This will be an ongoing open letter to Master Dvnt from me … there are far too many issues to address in just one letter … this is the first in a series … i can only hope this will reach Him and others ….

Dear Sir~

i write this open letter in hopes to help build back what W/we once had . i write this open letter to express how deeply sorry i am for what i have done and how this has impacted O/our lives. i write this open letter to share with everyone how important honesty is …. so perhaps others will reflect upon these writtings and hold these notions as truth.

i apologize from the deepest part of me for being untrue ~ lieing and disregarding the faith W/we had built . i can see now that my actions did not stop when the “affair” did… that these actions are still alive and impacting U/us today … at the time of my weakness i was not able to see past my emotional state that i was in ~ which felt severally hurt ~ abandonded~ unheard and afraid … so i was totally blinded to the future and how what i was doing would continue on. i see NOW that my mistakes have caused me so much more pain and are effecting so many more lives than just my own. i apologize for being so weak minded ~ selfish and horrible. i am embaressed and am working everyday to right myself with You and with the world.

i want to formally apologize for misusing the trust You had in me … that was not my intention with my actions … but by behaving so wrongly … that is what i have done. i would give anything to FIX this … i VOW to be 100 % true … no matter what … and do as You ask to help build O/our trust back … i dont do this out of fear … i do this out of LOVE and understanding. Please see that i am truly sorry that my decetful actions have torn U/us apart …. but i feel O/our path is getting stronger and stronger because of this …. that is the amazing transformitive power of this pain.

i have never felt such a direct impact like i am feeling now… perhaps because i am open to it. i am not running away to the next relationship ~ leaving behind my illusions ~ my fear ~ my unresolved issues …. i am standing / kneeling here… holding onto today. holding on and moving both forwards and back to face all the fears that brought U/us here. for the first time in 30 years … i am actually hanging around to pay the piper !!!! and it feels good and BAD … faciing the consequences of my actions is very hard …. and i have to thank You , Sir ~ for allowing me to do so … for without Your devotion and dedication.. i would be forever spinning my wheel of delussion ~ of blame~ of pity ~ remorse and disconnection. Because of Your faith … You have given me a chance … not just to work on U/us… but to work on me …. so Thank You … i will not waste this opportunity !!!!

Truth is what W/we all can have … truth is the foundation of LOVE ~ TRUE LOVE ….. i know i feel true love for Master Dvnt …. and i am openly saing i am so so sorry for hurting U/us like i did …. i will never disregard O/our truth again … please accept my apology and be patient as W/we rebuild the foundation of U/us ….

i am sorry .

i will NEVER be unfaithful again.

i was horrible and am embaressed.

i will do what ever it takes to rebuild O/our relationship.

i believe in U/us .

i believe in You.

i believe in me.

Please take these words and see the image of me bowing in deep gratitude …. for there is no other issue more important than this …. TRUE LOVE.

sincerely Yours~

mara

Master ~

What can i do ? How can i make this better ? i dont know…. i am giving my best … i am opening and being TRUE .

Please dont turn a cold back to me … please see that i am sorry for everything i have done.. and am doing what You ask of me .

Please accept my apology …. i am truly regretful ….

i love You … with ALL of my heart … till the day i die.

Please forgive me.

W/we were brought together .. to be together ….i will serve You… till the day i die.

12-8-10

i am giving 100% to O/our relationship …. i am being mindful and cooperative …. i am not being judgemental and trying to create better oppurtunities. i have nothing to hide and am not being evasive … i am giving all that i can …

please do not disregard my efforts… please recognize that i am trying … PLEASE …

see my open heart … see my open hands.. see my opening mind .

being the best me i can be ….

12~6~10

Questions~

What does LOVE really mean to me ?

What do i think about my relationship with Master Dvnt ?

Why do i think i want to be with Him forever ?

Thoughts on the subjects ~

To me ~ love is endless… and love is kind… love is caring .. love is sharing .. love is safety … love is laughing .. love is harmony ~ love is understanding ~ love is sexy ~ love is softness~love is helpfulness~ love is the feeling i have had for Master Dvnt for years and years …. i KNOW O/our love is TRUE LOVE .. even in the hardest of times …

To me love means working together and seeing the truth of who W/we are … though sometimes for me .. i dont know who i am at all !! and Master Dvnt has tried to help me see … with MiXed results :-O !!! So for that ~ i thank Him .. and that is a sign of LOVE … working to help .. even against all odds … its very hard to see myself .. and sometimes i really dont know what im looking at … but i have faith if i keep looking … with open eyes .. i will see the real me .. and reflect that to the world ….

my relationship with Master Dvnt has been the hardest and most rewarding of my life … W/we have been together for almost 5 years … and things have been hard lately … i made some very bad choices and did dishonor to O/our relationship .. out of fear and frustration …. and now i am left to try to rebuild a relationship that was struggling even before that … how and why do i want to continue ? Because i truly believe in U/us … i LOVE Him more than myself … and when i look through the eyes of LOVE … i see a beautiful Man .. who i want to spend te rest of my life with … in whatever way W/we choose …. it hurts very bad sometimes but W/we are trying to heal and come together again … hopefully BETTER than before !!

When i reflect on where we have been … and what has happened … i see this as a gift ( though i  may want to RETURN it sometimes :-0 ) …. a gift to see who W/we really are … who i really am … and what is important to me … and what i can see is that being TRUE to O/our love and relationship is the MOST important to me … and it is so hard sometimes to honor a love that feels painful and feels so hurtful … but i have to see that its me that feels this … and not only the particulars …. seperating these two things is ALMOST impossible for me… but i am working on it everyday !!

i request time and understanding ~ i request forgiveness and compassion ~ i request a meeting of the minds … with Openness and LOVE … and i will give this in return ….

i request W/we removed the dust off the mirror and see O/ourselves as who W/we are … or could be again…

Master Dvnt and His slave maramoon

sincerely ~mara