2-4-12

i am always challenged by fear … i have probably spent a good portion of 41 years dealing with this FEAR …. and examining its roots is an even bigger challenge ! i am so used to feeling fear that its likely one of the first emotions to arise in any situation … its embarrassing to admit … but i dont have to be afraid of ridicule … because i am NOW looking at this FEAR … “yeah ~ you fear over there .. i see you !!! ” …. but its ME !!

Recently some major issues are coming back into play and its bringing up some fears that had been repressed ( not dealt with) for a bit. But ~ here they are …. HI !!! When i look at this situation i know that i can see it from many views …. but i habitually choose to see things from fear . But momentarily i have let down my guard and felt the fear dissipate … only to return in a little while . What was i doing differently when i felt the lack of fear ?? i can see that i was allowing room for options within the unknown … i was sinking into the possibility that the outcome might not be bad … just for a second . i was also trying to feel compassion and understanding ~ stepping away from my NORMAL self involved self centered mode ( boy ~ could i go on and on about that !! ) …. but again … it just poofs away back into fear . How can i allow the spaciousness and openness to take a stronger foothold ~ rather than the 41 years of fear ?? i rise to the challenge !!

When i am working within fear i am closed and unable to be reached ~ when i let down my gaurd ~ i feel less threatened and almost MORE empowered ( is that true?) … when i dont try to control things through fear … can they settle into a non harmful state ? i dont know ~ the fear is always talking and saying  ” NO ~ you must maintain the wall ”  but when i peeked out for a second ~ i didnt die … and i almost thought i felt OK …. HMMM … maybe the voice i hear is totally full of shit ?? but im too afraid to really find out !! GOD DAMN !

i have a big habit of blaming all my fear on the things around me ~ like my Master shouldnt do that ~ or other people shouldnt do this ~ and why cant it be just the way i would like it ??i say to myself ~ why is it ridiculous for me to simply want what i want and get it ? why must i struggle for every fucking piece of joy ? how come i do everything for everybody and they dont do jack shit for me ? HAHAHA ~ welcome to the HELL realm ,,, the realm of the perpetual Mara Zone …. but i think im closing this highway down for repair !

because for one brief second ~ i DID take the off ramp ~ and i was open to NO FEAR …. i dont want to grasp for that … and hold onto it for dear life ( omg ~ more fear) ….but i does give me hope ~ hope to not make everyone an enemy … and make myself an enemy … and be my own worst nightmare …. so im choosing to cultivate an attitude of curiousness of fearful situations . i am choosing to TRY to see situations in a more compassionate way by examining the REALITY that i am not going to die from this or that .. or what people think .. but the negative can DIE from my life . i am choosing to keep this a construction zone of the curious ~ where any turn COULD be a good one … not all a detour to hell !!

1-28-12

Realization : Every single one of my negative reactions comes from FEAR . i may displace them as this or that … but they are my inner fears being surfaced . Realization : 41 years of FEAR is alot to overcome ~ but im ready to drop it all !

Current Mood: Happy

Hello Friends~

Im writting today to apologize for the long breaks in posts here ….. im hoping to get back to weekly

writing soon ….

Master Dvnt and i have just recently moved ~ o i have been concentraiting on getting Oour house in order as well as working on keeping my mind and body in order too …. i have been doing a lot of running and yoga and we just got Oour bikes fixed !!!

Please stay tuned for more insites to the ever transforming lives of Master Dvnt and mara moon …. Wwe really enjoy sharing with you and hope you enjoy reading what we have to share !!!

namaste~

mara moon

W/we have recently discovered a new teacher and website that seems to be very promising ! Check out www.PathwayToHappiness.com to see what W/we are talking about !!

Here is an excerpt on an important topic !

Overcoming Jealousy, Anger, and Control in Relationships
Trying to change anger or jealousy once you are in the emotion is like trying to control a car skidding on ice. Your ability to handle the situation is greatly improved if you can steer clear of the hazard before we get there.  This means addressing the beliefs that trigger jealousy instead of attempting to control your emotions.Overcoming jealousy is like changing any emotional reaction or behavior. It begins with awareness. Awareness allows you to see that the projected stories in your mind are not true. When you have this clarity you no longer react to the scenarios that your mind imagines.  Jealousy and anger are emotional reactions to believing scenarios in your mind that are not true. By changing what you believe you change what your imagination is projecting and you can eliminate these destructive emotional reactions.  Even when there is justification for the reaction, jealousy and anger are not beneficial ways to deal with the situation and get what we want.

To permanently dissolve the emotions such as anger and jealousy in relationships means changing the core beliefs of insecurity and mental projections of what your partner is doing.

The steps to permanently end jealous reactions are:
1) Recovering personal power so that you can get control of your emotions and refrain from the reactive behavior.
2) Shift your point of view so that you can step back from the story in your mind. This will give you a gap of time in which to refrain from a jealous or angry reaction and do something else.
3) Identify the core beliefs that trigger the emotional reaction.
4) Become aware that the beliefs in your mind are not true. This is different than “knowing” intellectually that the stories are not true.
5) Develop control over your attention so you can consciously choose what story plays in your mind and what emotions you feel.

There are a number of elements that create the dynamic of jealousy.   As such, effective solutions will have to address multiple elements of beliefs, point of view, emotions, and personal will power.  If you miss one or more of these elements you leave the door open for those destructive emotions and behaviors to return.

Pema Knows !!!

Current Mood: Happy

Key Topics

Dear Master Dvnt ~

How can i better Sirve You and O/our relationship ? How can W/we manifest the destiny W/we are ?

Help me to retuen to my humbled knees at Your feet …. help me to cure Your heart and feel Your Masters touch

again. my heart is open to You … how can W/we move past the pain and hold each other again ?

i had such a wonderful night with You … with no anxiety or negitivity … that is what would be great for every night …

i vow to work each day to make it a wonderful day … to share my LOVE with You ….

i LOVE You …. with all my heart … mind.. body .. and spirit ,,,,,

love ~

moon