When anger arises…

what can a slave do when she is infinitely angry ?  so incredibly angry ? angry at everything.. and feeling so overwhelmed ?

where can i go ? what source is there for my relief ? i of course look to my Master.. and i see that He is prescribing the medicine

He feels is best.. but sometimes it feels like i want to screammmmmmm….

and i want to vent … stomp my feet .. and have a it reach someone.. reach HIM.. but  not to hurt Him… but then when His remedy is a bitter pill.. and i’m left with WHAT I DON’T WANT.. and the world is rotating around me… memememememememmemeemeemmeemememememmemememememememememmemememememmemememem me.

it leaves no room or space round me for anything.. its just me.. screaming alone .. screaming in my head,, and feeling sorry for myself….. that i;m too stupid.. too fat… to tireds tired tired …. to…

see out of my head…

that’s when i heard it snap……

“I was angry with my friend I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe: I told it not, my wrath did grow. “
- William Blake

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else;
you are the one who gets burned.”
-Buddha

and i am an expert at that.. in fact i can not only hold onto it.. i can create it out of thin air… or at least midlly thin air…

Anger will never disappear so long as thoughts of resentment are cherished in the mind. Anger will disappear just as soon as thoughts of resentment are forgotten.

It’s times magic.. its impermanence at its finest… the anger subsides…. over time.. the anxiety lessens….. and i look back and don’t feel upset as much… why ? why is this ?

why ?

what is the value in this lesson? and why cant i ever learn it ??

this is so so deep.. it seems to have no end.